How Making Assumptions Ruins Our Lives

I just finished "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. I can't say that I whole heartedly believe in every word in the book, but it raises some very necessary awareness about the destructive patterns that we (people) unconsciously subscribe to every day.


The piece that I want to pass on today has to do with how we are ruled (negatively) by our assumptions, and that it boils down with us not feeling worthy of really knowing the truth and asking questions:

"If others tell us something, we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand, we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions.

These assumptions are made so fast and unconsciously most of the time because we have agreements to communicate this way. We have agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; we have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or how we feel. When we believe something, we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position.

We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse."

So today's take home message is to work on NOT letting negativity in any form (especially assumptions) from running your life to the point of unhappiness and wrecking your interpersonal relationships. As much as people dislike being confrontational, isn't it better to just put everything on the table and know the truth rather than walking around feeling hurt/angry/sad about something that you misinterpreted??

Today is NO ASSUMPTIONS DAY -- don't assume your interpretation is always the right one. There's always another side to the story.

Dr. Ty
www.getalifecampaign.com

Compact cars hurt young children...

...well, at least that's what I was told as my much-needed vacation started in Fort Lauderdale.

Finally! All this stress between work, family and responsibility and vacation is H-E-R-E! Our flight landed on time, with just minor turbulence. My son watched DVD's on my laptop during the ride and I actually got to take a nap. Lovely!
Alas, we arrive at the airport and his bag gets lost and I was determined not to let it damper my mood (it was found and shipped on the next flight out).

Then at the car rental spot... I reserved a compact car for the full 5 days, for $97 total (Those who know me personally know that I will usually drive an SUV at all costs, but gas is ridiculous lately). Anyway, the woman at the counter proceeds to tell me that they only have Geo Metros and said I probably want a safer car since I have the "baby" (aka the 2-year-old who looks 4). WHAT?
So, now that she has spoken it into existence, I feel pressured and JINXED and decide to upgrade to the next size at an extra $40 which was much higher than if I had gotten it online.

We go upstairs to pick out the midsize car and there are none. There aren't any compacts either. So I go into the desk upstairs and ask what kind of cars they have for compact and midsize rentals. She lists quite a few of them.... but leaves off the "Geo Metro" (gasp, no Geos??) So I repeat my earlier conversation and she says, no we have plenty of different cars, (including Saturns which are super-safe) and I feel hoodwinked.
At that point, I ask her to credit my account back to the $97 since I only switched for the "safety" and I'd much rather save the gas costs (the whole point right?). At that point, Madame Safety walks by and asks me, "Was something wrong?" So I repeat our conversation and then tell her that there are no Geo Metros and plenty of safe cars. She just says "OH" and walks on by (I'm making the neck-wringing motion with my hands in the air writing now.... aghhhH).

Bottom line -- the bill got credited, there were no compacts available so they gave everyone who was waiting the next size up. So I ended up with a midsize car at the price of a compact and now we all feel SAFE.

• Was it necessary for her to scare me in order to make a sale? Was it necessary to blatantly lie? Sigh...
  

When stress kills

Think your everyday stress isn't harming your body? Think you have it under control?

Yesterday's webmd.com article shows us exactly what we're doing to our hearts with each bout of stress we incur. Stress can be as little as running to late for work in the morning, or as big as the death of a loved one. It can cause acute damage like a heart attack, or slowly damage your heart over time.
Oh yea -- think you're safe because you're the quiet type who doesn't yell? SORRY... Here's what the article says about you:

People with type D personalities (characterized by pessimistic emotions and inability to share emotions with others) and type A personalities (characterized by anxiety directed outward as aggressive, irritable, or hostile behaviors) are more likely than others to suffer heart attacks.

So ladies (and the gentlemen who read this blog) -- the GAL creed already talked about managing your stress, now's the time to really get it under control. The kids are back in school, traffic has worsened, there's less sun shining on all of us. Don't let stress consume you. Go for walks, avoid negative people, make changes in your life, hey - try yoga (see earlier post)!

Whatever you do, protect your hearts.

I don't wanna see you in my hospital 20 years from now, can't walk upstairs or have fluid in your lungs because your heart has pooped out.

For more GAL blogging, check out http://www.getalifecampaign.com/blogger.html.

So I tried yoga for the first time...

...and liked it.

Recently, I've been feeling a little out of wack and unsettled toward everything. I'm snapping left and right, I have no control over my emotions, and just always have this anxious feeling like I forgot to do something, or something bad is about to happen. My worse came last week, when extended family issues got the better of me, and I wasn't even focused on my certification exam the next day. So, I decided to work on re-centering.
I'm sick of letting everyone else's drama (co-workers, patients, family, friends, random people on the street) suck me dry and ruin my life. That's my mantra this week.

I decided to fast along with Ramadan (no, I'm not Muslim) from a few hours before sunrise until sundown, in an effort to reach some spiritual calm (anyone who has ever fasted for a spiritual reason can attest that eventually it works).

It's funny, because the first day, I made it through (at work) just fine without having a hypoglycemic outburst. I broke fast at 7-ish, but only ate some of my really yummy food because I wanted to finish seeing patients. When I came back to eat though, my food had been thrown away (why, man? WHY?)! With how volatile I've been the last few weeks, I would have yelled at someone or even cried (lol), but I was surprisingly calm. I also had some moments of super-great luck that day, so I figured I'd continue.

Since I was out of town for yesterday's book signing, I brushed off my Bally's membership card and went to yoga today. I figured that if I just O.D. on spiritually calming stuff, SOMEthing has to work right?
It was really nice. Lights off, instrumental music, some stretching and strengthening... Having been a dancer in a previous life, I was concerned that it would be too basic for my body to feel an effect. I actually did leave feeling lighter and calmer. FINALLY!

So, during the 2-hour drive home, I turned my phone off and blasted my best feel-good albums (some from 5-10 years ago), singing as loudly as I could. And I still feel good.

Let's hope I can hang on to this once I actually speak to another human being :-).

Kudos for yoga, man.

Women Career Expos - 2007 - coming to a city near you!

• Fall '07

  • Sep. 27 — Washington, DC
  • Oct. 9 — Tampa
  • Oct. 11 — Atlanta
  • Oct. 16 — Chicago
  • Oct. 18 — New York
  • Oct. 23 — Dallas
  • Oct. 25 — Houston
  • Oct. 30 — St. Louis
  • Nov. 7 — Boston
  • Nov. 13 — Los Angeles

Looking for a change? Find the city of your dreams...

Looking to move to a new city?
Here are two cool sites to help you decide where your next move should be:
http://www.findyourspot.com/
http://www.bestplaces.net/fybp/


Speaking of change... I get a lot of questions from folks aspiring to become writers on publishing and book promotion. So here are a few links with good resources:
http://thewriterslife.blogspot.com/
http://www.pumpupyourbookpromotion.com/virtualbooktours.html
http://bookpr.com/index2.htm

5 other blogs for you to try...

BlogDay was created with the belief that bloggers should have a day getting to know other bloggers who talk about topics outside of their blog.

In honor of BlogDay, here are the 5 I chose to share with you:

Digital Photography Tips: Tired of chopping off the heads in your pictures? Take a peek at this.
The Blogfathers: A blog for dads. It's time to look into their minds for a day.
Freaked Out Fathers: Another blog for dads, self-explanatory.
Work-At-Home Mom: Tips on business opportunities.
Cooking with Amy: A Food Blog: Yummy.

Yea, yea... so I know that Blogday was 8/31 and I'm a lil' late. But at least I'm doing it! If you wanna participate too (late), check it out here: BLOG DAY 2007

SICKO and the American Lifestyle

So, I saw SICKO yesterday, and aside from the health care stuff, it really made me think about how different the American lifestyle is from other cultures.

I thought it was great that France allows its citizens 5 weeks of paid vacation, even if you work part-time... and you get paid for extra days off if you are moving, going on your honeymoon, or sick. Talk about caring about the lifestyle of your employees!
Oh, and the best is that they have a service that comes over twice a week after you have a baby to help teach you what to do and help you with laundry, cleaning or cooking... all courtesy of the government.

It makes me wonder... is the reason we feel bombarded by life and responsibilities because we truly just have too much to do - insane expectations that we put on ourselves? And more importantly, have other societies have already figured this out and started doing something about it? Apparently so. And it's sad.

So until we band together and demand such things, for now we have to steal our free time the old-fashioned GAL way... 15-minutes at a time.

I hope you all enjoy your Labor Day!
- Dr. Ty