Courage
When times are tough, and it's difficult to find internal motivation, sometimes you have to allow yourself to be inspired by those around you.
I have been following some amazing women's blogs for some time, and one in particular, love.self.entirely, is giving me the courage to recognize the things that hurt... the places that we don't let ourselves visit because we're too busy, but quietly they are tearing us apart.
She is so open and honest about her journey -- the journey that many of us at this late 20s-early 30s cusp are experiencing -- that it makes me ashamed for keeping mine to myself.
The truth is -- Much like when I first wrote, "The Get A Life Campaign," 18 months ago, for the last few weeks, I have found myself at a similar point -- pondering, Who am I (really)? Am I truly happy? What makes me happy? How am I different now, from when I was 21? or 25, for that matter? Am I living my dream? And if not, what's stopping me?
I have felt so "off" the last few weeks. I can always tell when I get to that point, because I get winy. Everything irritates me, and I complain about everything (waiting in line, the cashier miscounting my change, slow waitressing, etc.). Every move I make feels like I'm dragging and feels forced. My feet are moving, just getting me from one responsibility or location to another but inside I'm numb/exhausted/daydreaming about better days.
How did I get here?
I'm not completely sure. I think some of it has to do with my recent 80-hr schedule, and having extremely small periods of "free time." Meaning, I had to choose between sleep/candlelit baths and processing everything that's been happening lately. Clearly I chose the former. It was my way of recharging for the next day, but not addressing the actual issue (bathwater can only do so much) just allowed things to build up until I imploded.
Plus, I fell back in the habit of trying to help everyone else -- caring how something makes everyone else feel, yet neglecting my thoughts/feelings. If I had to choose between hurting someone's feelings and protecting what I feel, I always picked the other person, because "I can handle a little hurt, but my conscience won't deal with hurting someone else." I gotta stop that.
So, now what?
I'm on vacation in Orlando. I'm trying to relax, but I'm still honking at slow drivers and being impatient with salespeople. In my defense, today was much better than yesterday. But, I hate being like this. I can't wait to be back to my normal self. It feels like a month-long PMS on overdrive. Maybe tomorrow will be even better.
After I finish this post (I have 00:13 minutes left of laptop battery and I purposely didn't bring my charger by the pool), I will be curling up with the rest of Harry Potter. HP always helps me escape reality and when I come out of my HP-induced meditation, I'm super-chilled out.
As much as I like reading nonfiction, that's why fiction has become my favorite (thanks Nakia and Tony for reminding me). Because it takes you out of every day life and gives your mind a break for ONCE. Grab a book this weekend and let me know what you think.
Other blogs I keep up with (using NewsFire - only for Mac):
Confessions of a Skinny Black Girl
love.self.entirely
Spin-ster Stories
Manic Mommy
Happy Blog reading!
Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com
I have been following some amazing women's blogs for some time, and one in particular, love.self.entirely, is giving me the courage to recognize the things that hurt... the places that we don't let ourselves visit because we're too busy, but quietly they are tearing us apart.
She is so open and honest about her journey -- the journey that many of us at this late 20s-early 30s cusp are experiencing -- that it makes me ashamed for keeping mine to myself.
The truth is -- Much like when I first wrote, "The Get A Life Campaign," 18 months ago, for the last few weeks, I have found myself at a similar point -- pondering, Who am I (really)? Am I truly happy? What makes me happy? How am I different now, from when I was 21? or 25, for that matter? Am I living my dream? And if not, what's stopping me?
I have felt so "off" the last few weeks. I can always tell when I get to that point, because I get winy. Everything irritates me, and I complain about everything (waiting in line, the cashier miscounting my change, slow waitressing, etc.). Every move I make feels like I'm dragging and feels forced. My feet are moving, just getting me from one responsibility or location to another but inside I'm numb/exhausted/daydreaming about better days.
How did I get here?
I'm not completely sure. I think some of it has to do with my recent 80-hr schedule, and having extremely small periods of "free time." Meaning, I had to choose between sleep/candlelit baths and processing everything that's been happening lately. Clearly I chose the former. It was my way of recharging for the next day, but not addressing the actual issue (bathwater can only do so much) just allowed things to build up until I imploded.
Plus, I fell back in the habit of trying to help everyone else -- caring how something makes everyone else feel, yet neglecting my thoughts/feelings. If I had to choose between hurting someone's feelings and protecting what I feel, I always picked the other person, because "I can handle a little hurt, but my conscience won't deal with hurting someone else." I gotta stop that.
So, now what?
I'm on vacation in Orlando. I'm trying to relax, but I'm still honking at slow drivers and being impatient with salespeople. In my defense, today was much better than yesterday. But, I hate being like this. I can't wait to be back to my normal self. It feels like a month-long PMS on overdrive. Maybe tomorrow will be even better.
After I finish this post (I have 00:13 minutes left of laptop battery and I purposely didn't bring my charger by the pool), I will be curling up with the rest of Harry Potter. HP always helps me escape reality and when I come out of my HP-induced meditation, I'm super-chilled out.
As much as I like reading nonfiction, that's why fiction has become my favorite (thanks Nakia and Tony for reminding me). Because it takes you out of every day life and gives your mind a break for ONCE. Grab a book this weekend and let me know what you think.
Other blogs I keep up with (using NewsFire - only for Mac):
Confessions of a Skinny Black Girl
love.self.entirely
Spin-ster Stories
Manic Mommy
Happy Blog reading!
Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com
posted by #1 GAL, Dr. Ty! at
1:01 AM
2 Comments:
(Plus, I fell back in the habit of trying to help everyone else -- caring how something makes everyone else feel, yet neglecting my thoughts/feelings. If I had to choose between hurting someone's feelings and protecting what I feel, I always picked the other person, because "I can handle a little hurt, but my conscience won't deal with hurting someone else." I gotta stop that.)
You summarized my inner feelings to a 'T'. I tend to put other people's needs first because I feel that between the two of us, I can handle it more. But that way of thinking causes me to become drained and I turn resentful. It's a destructive pattern for both parties even though one gets what they want (initially!).
Your post spoke to me so much, You have NO idea and my day is nowhere near as packed as yours but I can identify!
Thank You for reading my blog. I appreciate it because I've been a fan of yours for a long time.
Great post. :)
I could do a long post about how I can relate, but honestly, can't we all? Lol.
Thank you so very much for reading my blog.
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