Love, simplified...

Using some of the notes I jotted down from Osho’s book, I want to share a few thoughts about love and the simplicity of it.

Only those people capable of being alone are capable of love.

We talked about this in the last post. And we all know this. The less dependent you are on people, the healthier your relationships will be. This is why GAL continues to promote having your own “life” and identity because going into a relationship without one is disaster. You need to know who YOU are to know what you need in order to be happy. Someone’s mere presence may be enough in the short term, but not forever. Especially once that person realizes that there is more to life than you (no offense), and chooses to explore those new things without you.

If you feel you have been hurt by love, it is something else in you that feels hurt.

Ah, the chatter from the angry, heart-broken mob. Before you knee-jerk on me, and disagree with Osho, really think about this one. How many times have we called something love that really wasn’t? How many times have we been “loved” by someone who clearly didn’t love us (in action)? Love is very simple. It’s about sharing with another person and helping them to be their best, without judgment or pain. Love is not painful. It’s all the other crap we attach to love that is. Everyone’s “stuff” is different depending on their past, family life, morals, values and the like, but no one is without “stuff.” Our goal as we age and mature is to learn how to love and function without the “stuff,” the walls we put up, the dysfunctional/destructive patterns we have, the nuances that keep us repeating the same situations over and over and over. We have a lesson to learn. And no – your streak of bad relationships doesn’t mean you are unlovable, it simply means you aren't letting love arrive.

Suffering is the refusal that pain should exist.

A wise person once told me that life is not about the answers, but the questions. Meaning, all this time we spend pondering where life is taking us, what we should be doing, we should instead live the questions and realize that life is the journey itself, not the destination. Similarly, this part of the book really spoke to me. The concept that suffering only occurs when we don’t think we should be feeling pain is interesting. Meaning, pain is a necessary part of life, and we should accept it. If we can, then pain just becomes pain. We are not victims to it. It’s uncomfortable, but we shouldn’t ignore it, trying to be “strong.” We should embrace it and be thankful to experience life in all its richness.

Love is a mirror.

Nothing has taught me more about myself as a person than being in long-term relationships. No amount of alone time can bring your vulnerabilities front and center. Until that point (or in between them) you otherwise learn to live around the things that hurt, or what you’re not good at. But, add a person you care about to the equation and WHAM, vulnerable city.

If you get entangled with somebody else’s energy, you will lose the centering growing within you.

I know that this seems contradictory to the previous statement, but it is really a reiteration of the first. You need to be centered before you enter into a relationship because if not, your time and energy will go into making them happy, reacting to their moods (happy, sad, angry) and slowly ignoring what you truly feel. If you’ve ever started a relationship while you were depressed, unsure of yourself, or trying to find yourself, you know exactly what I mean. It either becomes too intense too quickly, too painful or too draining, and neither party is better for it. And most importantly, if you’re afraid of being alone, you will never be true to your desires. You must stand up for what you deserve.

An exercise: Write down all of the things you have done to sabotage your relationships and keep a copy with you.

This is not the superficial stuff: I should have cooked more, I should have had more sex with my boyfriend. Think about what it all really means, where it’s coming from. For example, I should have been more vulnerable. I should have been more secure with myself and realized that cooking for my mate is not a sign of weakness. I should be more confident and in tune with my physical needs. And so on.

I haven’t gotten around to writing mine yet. Perhaps it’s because I’m still learning what my patterns are. But, I’ve been really introspective lately, so I’m sure it’ll be done before the summer is up.



Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com