The GAL Blog will return on Monday

Hey GALs,

I haven't forgotten about you.

I've been working on finally getting myself out of the rut this week (and have a few tips to share!)... This morning, I'm on the way to the airport for a fun-filled girls trip to Chicago, I can't wait. I'll be back on Monday with more GAL goodness. See you then!

Hugs,

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

America's poor? + Money saving grocery tips

Watching gas prices in CT go above $4 for only 87 octane, I can't help but wonder how folks making minimum wage at jobs 20 miles away from their homes are continuing to make ends meet here. It sickens me, actually.

Then, I saw this front page article on the coffee shop counter, and I was saddened to realize that we really might be moving toward an economic depression of sorts.

The article also made me realize how high groceries have been lately. Am I the only one who feels like she's getting less and less for her buck? My local grocer has plenty of deals on items like Celeste pizza-for-one (5 for $5... Zesty 4-cheese is the best) and Scooby snacks (3 boxes for $4), but the cost of fresh, healthy foods really adds up.

In lieu of that, and in an effort to save more $$, I found this Miami Herald article that gives tips on getting the most food for your money. Happy (cheaper) eats!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Have you challenged yourself lately?

Challenges.

Show me a busy woman, and I'll show you a person who successfully meets challenges day in and day out. But, there are also days when those same women are worn and torn down by those challenges. Sometimes we can safety-pin the edges together, sometimes the rips are painfully apparent, and many times we're stronger for them. Either way -- after a while, even the toughest woman wants a break.

An appropriate break would be ten days on a remote island. But, sometimes, we take a break in our daily lives. It's called burnout. We start to shy away from anything that smells or tastes like more challenges in an effort to quiet our lives for a second (even if those challenges could bring something positive). Whether it's not pushing forward for that promotion, avoiding a dream career that has many naysayers, or confronting a situation that requires us to do so, we avoid it.

I have hit that point many times. In the last few months, I've seen it way more than I care to. But, I am starting to learn that while those breaks can be good, we have to be careful not to fall even farther into a rut. How can we do that? By challenging ourselves first.

NEWS: I am proud of myself today.

The last few months, I have been fighting terribly against the rut, trying to find happiness despite the fatigue, stress and emotional weight. Every stride I've made lately has gotten me one step closer, but not quite over the hump of funk.

So, on the plane to Orlando, I decided that if life was going to keep giving me challenges that stressed me out, I could give myself challenges that make me proud of myself. Not the grandiose what-will-I-be-when-I-grow-up challenges... small challenges. With short deadlines. And reasonable expectations.

Challenge 1: To blog seven consecutive days without fail.

I'm a writer. We write. That's what we do. But, every good writer knows that as much as we love to write, sometimes it's hard to do. Especially if your creativity is stifled by stress. I got tired of writing BLOG on the top of my to-do lists every week and hardly getting to it. So I committed, and from May 6 to May 15 (Ran Out O' Gas to Baby Planners), I blogged. And blogged. And blogged. I actually exceeded my expectations and blogged a total of 10 days straight.

The cool thing was... during my blog challenge, no matter how frustrating work or the personal life was, I felt like I had something to look forward to. Something that was mine. It was small and maybe minuscule in some folks' eyes. But, it was something that I could still pat myself on the back for. It's amazing how those pats can add up.

Challenge 2: To swim in the deep end of the pool.

As much as I love water, I can only swim well when I know I can touch the bottom of the pool (or ocean). Even if I never touch it for hours, I need to know it's there. Well, one of my 2008 resolutions is to learn how to sail, and to sail, you have to -- guess what? -- swim in deep water!

I refuse to let a fear, rather than a real lack of skill, keep me from something I might love, so into the 9-foot water I went last week. I dunked myself deep into the water and did nothing. To my surprise, I floated back to the top -- after doing nothing! So, I did it again and swam a little -- success again. I did it once more and swam from the 9 feet back to the shallow side. Clearly, I made it out alive. I can't say that my fear is completely gone, but at least I know if I freak out, I'll at least float to the top.

And now I can get on a yacht this summer.

Challenge 3: To meet new people with shared interests.

I know I talk to new people all day long. But, it's not the same. I still get nervous meeting new folks and by default get stuck in the circles I already have. Well, I went to a medical conference today where I knew no one. And it went surprisingly well. I met two docs who are practicing one of my fields of interest -- including one whom I had heard of, and planned to google his email address this week. Freaky how that worked out.

It sucked using my one day off to do more medical stuff, but it was worth it. I got to dress up in real clothes (a suit rather than scrubs) and put makeup on. I got to pick the brains of more seasoned physicians. I took Amtrak so I could read rather than drive for an hour each way, and made a dent in my Harry Potter (book 3, hush). And -- the most important -- met my 3rd challenge head on (despite threatening to back out the night before).

Now it's your turn!

What are your recent (public or secret) challenges? You don't have to tell your friends, but do tell your GAL pals! We wanna know. And if you don't have one. Make one. Um... like now. We're waiting...



Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Attack of the baby planners!

What?! Concierge service for your baby?

Well, something like that. A recent ABC News article talks about busy women who hire planners to help organize their pregnancy and post-partum details. How new millennium of them!

I must say -- picking out items for our baby registry (with that cute, portable grocer scanner) and pacing the aisles for that perfect crib certainly helped keep my mind off of the late pregnancy aches and pains (check out my preggo tips), but I can still see the appeal in hiring someone.

Even more important than shopping, though, I think there should ALWAYS be baby planners for baby showers. I have watched too many baby showers go awry because people insert their own personal feelings about the couple, the friend's baby, their own baby and so on. I helped plan one shower where I felt like I was negotiating a wedding menu: "Our family eats pork. We don't care that hers doesn't. We want pork." Really? Okay, maybe it was more like World War peace treaty negotiations... it wasn't pretty.

That being said, I think the best person in that situation would have been someone NOT personally related to either side to lay the smack down on the foolishness and just give the happy parents-to-be what THEY wanted. So... sounds like the baby planners' job descriptions just earned a new line item.

Take home (in case you missed my rant): Pick someone you don't know to plan your baby shower. Or else, you leave yourself open to the squabbles, the power struggles between girlfriends/sisters, and you may end up with dra-ma at the actual event. Take it from me GALs -- pick a STRANGER. You'd be better off.



Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Sports Update

As GALs, we have to be well rounded... and that includes sports! Whether you're a sports fan too busy to keep up with the latest, you're looking for water cooler topics, or you want to impress some buff hottie, here's this week's sports update...

NBA News

1. Eastern Conference semifinals:

Detroit Pistons defeated the Orlando Magic, 4-1 in last night's game.

Cleveland Cavaliers v. Boston Celtics
Tied 2-2, next game tonight (8pm in Boston).
The Celtics haven't lost a home game, and haven't won an away game yet in the playoffs. We have at least 2 more games to see who will face the Pistons in the conference finals.

2. Western Conference semifinals:

San Antonio Spurs v. New Orleans Hornets, Hornets up 3-2, next game Thursday. The Hornets have handed the Spurs two of their three worst losses of the season (Jan. 26 at SAS, March 12 at NOH), but the Spurs are banking on Tim Duncan and crew (Parker & Ginobili) to bring them the win.

Utah Jazz v. Los Angeles Lakers, series tied 2-2, next game tonight, 10:30pm in LA. Kobe plans to play in tonight's game (game 5) despite his sore back.

3. Other news: The New York Knicks introduced Mike D'Antoni as their new coach Tuesday


NFL: New England Patriots' Spygate comes to an end
No new information came from yesterday's meeting between the NFL commissioner and a former Patriots video assistant. Since the Patriots and head coach Belichick were already fined for illegally videotaping signals of the New York Jets during a 2007 game, the commissioner stated the investigation is over.


ESPN adds another female SportsCenter anchor to its lineup
Former CBS Early Show anchor Hannah Storm joins ESPN to host the 9 am to noon block of the new live daytime SportsCenter broadcasts starting August 11 -- coinciding with the start of summer Olympics. She joins current female anchors, Michelle Bonner, Cindy Brunson, Linda Cohn and Suzy Kolbert.



Golf: Annika Sorenstam announces her retirement.


Kentucky Derby: Big Brown made all the historical precedents and pedigree analysis irrelevant when he won the Kentucky Derby on May 3. Some are pegging him a Triple Crown hopeful. We shall see: The Preakness is three days away. Belmont Day is June 7.

Hockey: NHL Conference finals
The Pittsburgh Penguins lead Eastern Conference finals 3-0 against the Philadelphia Flyers. The Detroit Red Wings lead Western Conference finals 3-0 against the Dallas Stars. Next game tonight.


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Cures for women's most embarrassing fiascos

WARNING: MEN, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS MUCH ABOUT THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE. SO, I SUGGEST YOU STEP AWAY FROM THIS POST – NOW! IF YOU DO NOT, I GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE SORRY.

Bubbleguts (after a night of drinking)
You’re not gonna like this one, but the best cure for post-drinking bubbleguts is letting loose a big number 2. Gross, I know. But I wouldn’t be your favorite GAL pal if I didn’t give it to you straight. The alternative is to pop an anti-gas medication (Gas-X or its generic, Simethicone) or a half-tab of Immodium to slow things down.

Stinky armpits/forgotten deodorant
The #1 solution is prevention. Keep a stick of deodorant in your car, your tote bag and your desk at all times. I’m a big fan of the travel-size variety since they’re more discreet. If all else fails, find a public restroom, put liquid soap and water on several paper towels and freshen up. Then, dab lotion or baby powder on them to buy you more odor-free time.

Stinking up the bathroom
If you do this in your own house, no one really cares. But, it never fails that you’re out in public, or worse, at your new crush’s house and nature calls. Well, don’t fret (well not yet, anyway). First, flush often, especially if you’re in there for more than five minutes. Next, look for anything in the bathroom you can spray that has a scent (cleaning supplies, a fragrance spray, cologne or – Hallelujah – good ole’ air freshener). Despite the fact that you smell the stink in the air, do not spray the product in the air. Spray directly into the scene of the crime – the toilet water. If you can open the window or turn the steamy shower on without appearing like a weirdo to your date, try that too.

Forgotten (or lost) underwear
First, pray they don’t get pinned on the bulletin board at work like Meredith Grey’s. Second, this is really not all that embarrassing. Underwear is overrated. Enjoy your day of nice, cool breezes down below. Keep at least one small tampon handy in case it becomes the wrong time of month while you’re feeling breezy.

Pantyhose runs
We all know the secret of the clear nail polish to stop the run. But, if the run gets completely out of hand, just take them off. Grease up your legs and go for it.

Hair extensions are showing/falling
Be creative, but the recipe involves mucho bobby pins, and anything that can double as a headband (knee highs do the trick in times of need). Try laying a piece of your hair over the exposed track and once the coast is clear, secure it with a bobby pin so it doesn’t blow away in the wind. But, truthfully, just pin-pin-pin, cover as much as you can, and get a pronto hair appointment.

Leaking breasts
The no-brainer is to use breast shields, but when you’ve just had a baby, times are hard and things get forgotten. The alternative is to use paper towels or even a sanitary napkin. Just remember to put the excess underneath the breast so it can catch what drips down. If you get desperate and your clothing has shoulder pads in it, consider cutting them off and putting them where you need them most.

Ripped clothes
I can never find a safety pin when I need one. Paper clips work well, or even better, those black plastic clips with the metal arms. I actually have a pair of pants that ripped at the crotch, and one of those black clippy things has held it together for over five years, even after many washer and dryer cycles.

Periods
No grand ideas here, just stuff tissue until you can find something. But, please, don’t put tissue inside of your you-know-what. Your friendly neighborhood OB-GYN (or, in my case, your friendly neighborhood ER doctor) does not want to go fishing for the tissue left behind weeks later. I thank you in advance.

What are YOUR secret cures? Share with your fellow GALs!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Take a vacation without breaking the bank

You don't have to wait until you have a ton of $$ in the bank in order to get a little R&R. You just have to travel smart.

For my most recent week long Orlando escape, I found:

• A family-friendly hotel for $55/night with 3 pools, a small movie theater (free), and buffet breakfast in Kissimmee called Seralago Hotel.
  
• Car rentals starting at $9/day plus taxes and fees. If your car insurance covers rentals, then voila - a week rental for under $80.
  

It can be done. Now that I have been back from vacation for a whole 24 hours now... I wanted to share these money-saving travel tips courtesy of MyFoxColorado. Happy traveling!

If you want to plan a vacation this summer, AAA Colorado has the tips and advice to save the most money, and get the most out of your trip.

Book an air-and-hotel package. Often times, booking a package, instead of all of your travel arrangements separately can lead to savings. Look for packages that include admission to attractions.

Pack light. Many airlines are charging extra for travelers who check more than one bag or have bags that exceed airline weight restrictions.

BYOF (Bring your own food). Many summer travel destinations have parks or other scenic areas that make a perfect spot for a picnic. Bringing your own food instead of eating out can lead to savings. If you get a hotel with a kitchenette, you can cook your own food. Some hotels such as Residence Inn offer free grocery delivery, so you can order your groceries and have them delivered.

Look for hotels with a free continental breakfast or free evening appetizers. Everybody loves a free meal. Getting a free breakfast every morning can add up to big savings during weeklong vacations.

Rent a house. For large families traveling together, renting a house can be a cost savings measure compared to renting several hotel rooms. Rental houses also offer kitchens that allow families to avoid spending money on eating out every day.

Stay with relatives. This is an increasingly common trend, especially when travel prices increase. Advantages include having a friendly tour guide that can show you all the sites for free, and avoiding eating out every day because of the availability of a kitchen.

Be flexible in your travel dates/times. Flying on off-peak days and times such as Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays can often times lead to savings in airfare. Also, if you are taking a weekend trip consider flying out early on a Saturday morning instead of a Friday night, which can save you hotel costs and occasionally save airfare costs as well.

Consider off-season destinations. Popular winter destinations such as Phoenix and New Orleans are not as popular in the summer because of the extreme heat. As a result, travelers can find often find summer deals to these cities. They still have all the attractions and they have air conditioning.

Consider secondary airports. Check the prices at airports that are near your destination. Occasionally, deals can be found when flying to an airport an hour away from your primary destination. Compare the costs of flying to your primary destination or renting a car at a secondary airport and driving and hour to your primary destination. There could be savings depending on the location.

Book as early as possible. Booking early will give you more travel options as popular hotels and flights fill up fast. Booking early can also often times save you money.

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

GAL-worthy reads | Reinventing Yourself

Apparently, us GALs are not the only ladies striving to get more out of life. If you're looking for more GAL-worthy reads, check out these books and enjoy reinventing yourself.

To the not-yet moms: don't be deterred by the word mom in a few of the titles. This problem is not unique to moms. There are lessons to be learned regardless.

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

My New Carb-Free, Sugar-Free Fix

The weight loss equation is pretty straight forward. To gain weight, put in more than you burn off. To lose weight, put in less than you burn off.

Yes, I know... the putting in, burning off stuff gets a lil' sticky, but just go with me on this one.

Since I wasn't able to make it to the gym at all last month, that meant I had to decrease the putting in. However, working 80 hours a week, you tend to snack quite a bit, and it's never healthy food. It's whatever can fit in my white coat pockets or whatever I can eat while walking up stairs.

Anyway, you know how everyone (including GAL) says that drinking water will decrease your hunger pangs? Well, it's true, but it wasn't getting rid of the sweet tooth I recently developed. So, I started carrying around a 32-ounce bottle of ice cold water and sprinkling it with those new Crystal Light to Go packets.

My personal fave: two packets of lemonade flavor, mixed with one packet of raspberry ice.

I know -- when I was a kid, Crystal Light was cool, but it tasted, well, light. I would never have been able to commit to that. But, now, in the age of Splenda, Crystal Light tastes scrumptious.

The great thing about Crystal Light is that it's so sweet, I would drink it every time I craved a white macadamia nut cookie or a cinnamon chip scone. It worked. Between walking up the stairs all day (rather than taking the elevator) and drinking my 5 calorie/serving beverage, I was able to beat the cold-weather, work-too-much weight gain.

As summer fast approaches, I pass this gift on to you all. Happy beveraging!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Love, simplified...

Using some of the notes I jotted down from Osho’s book, I want to share a few thoughts about love and the simplicity of it.

Only those people capable of being alone are capable of love.

We talked about this in the last post. And we all know this. The less dependent you are on people, the healthier your relationships will be. This is why GAL continues to promote having your own “life” and identity because going into a relationship without one is disaster. You need to know who YOU are to know what you need in order to be happy. Someone’s mere presence may be enough in the short term, but not forever. Especially once that person realizes that there is more to life than you (no offense), and chooses to explore those new things without you.

If you feel you have been hurt by love, it is something else in you that feels hurt.

Ah, the chatter from the angry, heart-broken mob. Before you knee-jerk on me, and disagree with Osho, really think about this one. How many times have we called something love that really wasn’t? How many times have we been “loved” by someone who clearly didn’t love us (in action)? Love is very simple. It’s about sharing with another person and helping them to be their best, without judgment or pain. Love is not painful. It’s all the other crap we attach to love that is. Everyone’s “stuff” is different depending on their past, family life, morals, values and the like, but no one is without “stuff.” Our goal as we age and mature is to learn how to love and function without the “stuff,” the walls we put up, the dysfunctional/destructive patterns we have, the nuances that keep us repeating the same situations over and over and over. We have a lesson to learn. And no – your streak of bad relationships doesn’t mean you are unlovable, it simply means you aren't letting love arrive.

Suffering is the refusal that pain should exist.

A wise person once told me that life is not about the answers, but the questions. Meaning, all this time we spend pondering where life is taking us, what we should be doing, we should instead live the questions and realize that life is the journey itself, not the destination. Similarly, this part of the book really spoke to me. The concept that suffering only occurs when we don’t think we should be feeling pain is interesting. Meaning, pain is a necessary part of life, and we should accept it. If we can, then pain just becomes pain. We are not victims to it. It’s uncomfortable, but we shouldn’t ignore it, trying to be “strong.” We should embrace it and be thankful to experience life in all its richness.

Love is a mirror.

Nothing has taught me more about myself as a person than being in long-term relationships. No amount of alone time can bring your vulnerabilities front and center. Until that point (or in between them) you otherwise learn to live around the things that hurt, or what you’re not good at. But, add a person you care about to the equation and WHAM, vulnerable city.

If you get entangled with somebody else’s energy, you will lose the centering growing within you.

I know that this seems contradictory to the previous statement, but it is really a reiteration of the first. You need to be centered before you enter into a relationship because if not, your time and energy will go into making them happy, reacting to their moods (happy, sad, angry) and slowly ignoring what you truly feel. If you’ve ever started a relationship while you were depressed, unsure of yourself, or trying to find yourself, you know exactly what I mean. It either becomes too intense too quickly, too painful or too draining, and neither party is better for it. And most importantly, if you’re afraid of being alone, you will never be true to your desires. You must stand up for what you deserve.

An exercise: Write down all of the things you have done to sabotage your relationships and keep a copy with you.

This is not the superficial stuff: I should have cooked more, I should have had more sex with my boyfriend. Think about what it all really means, where it’s coming from. For example, I should have been more vulnerable. I should have been more secure with myself and realized that cooking for my mate is not a sign of weakness. I should be more confident and in tune with my physical needs. And so on.

I haven’t gotten around to writing mine yet. Perhaps it’s because I’m still learning what my patterns are. But, I’ve been really introspective lately, so I’m sure it’ll be done before the summer is up.



Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Relationships, simplified...

You know how someone mentions something to you, something you’ve never heard of before? Then every day for the next two weeks, all of a sudden that “thing” is everywhere – on television, talk shows, work conversations, and you think to yourself, am I noticing it because I just heard of it, or is everyone else just catching on too?

Well that’s how I feel about the term “boundaries.” It was introduced to me two weeks ago, and since then I’ve heard about them, I’ve seen them in blogs, on websites, and even used them in the advice I’ve delivered to friends. Strange.

There are set boundaries that we all have – for example, random people don’t just come and invade your boundary of personal space and move into your house at will; or snatch your food while you’re having your lunch; or spit in your face because they had a bad day. But, I hadn’t really thought about boundaries as it related to my recent frustrations and my relationship struggles – with significant others, family and friends.

Well, long story short (yea right -- ya’ll know I can’t keep anything short), here’s what I learned.

If you don’t make boundaries to protect yourself, express those boundaries (along with the consequences), and actually execute said consequences when needed, you will never be treated the way you deserve.
This is how it goes: You want things to go a certain way. You want Mr. Wonderful to start spending more time with you/shower you with more attention/stop calling his ex/wine and dine you more/stop showing up late/start calling you before you call him… and the list could go on. So, you either A) Say nothing and wait for him to just KNOW what you need, meanwhile it’s bothering you. B) Say something about it and wait, meanwhile nothing changes.

Read: Saying something without setting a consequence makes B the same as A. You might think you’re communicating, but you’re not.

So, this is how it’s supposed to go according to the boundary experts: You want Mr. Wonderful to stop showing up late or standing you up. You’re supposed to name the actions that are troubling you, say how it makes you feel, ask him to stop (or some other compromise), and then say what will happen if he doesn’t.

Basically: When you show up late on nights that I’ve cooked dinner for you, or you bail on our plans, it makes me feel like you don’t value our time together. And that makes me sad, because I enjoy spending time with you. If you can’t make it, I want you to call me ahead of time and let me know, or work harder to get there on time. If you don’t, then I will stop putting you #1 on my priority list (read: other plans will come before yours) or I won’t allow you to come in the door after a certain time.

DON’T say things like, When you take me for granted… when you’re inconsiderate…
Why? Because you’re making a judgment on the person’s actions and they can just say, “No, I didn’t. That’s not what I meant.” But if you specifically name the actions only, and then say how it makes you feel, it’s a little different.

DON’T make threats. Don’t be manipulative and threaten to leave every time your mate steps out of line. Don’t make the consequence out of sync with the problem. For example, if Mr. Wonderful doesn’t wash dishes for a month straight, then your consequence is that you’re not washing them anymore and he can eat out. Clearly, the consequence is not “I’m divorcing you!” Be reasonable, but firm.


Oh – and you have to really do the consequence. For those who have kids/nieces/nephews/cousins, imagine if you say to a 2-year-old: “If you don’t stop jumping on the bed, I’m going to take your stuffed animal away.” Kid keeps jumping. You never take the stuffed animal away. The next time you say, “If you don’t eat all your veggies, I’m going to put you to bed early,” said kid is probably not going to believe you, respect you or stop doing the undesired activity. So, let this be a lesson to you. If you make threats but never go through with it, things will not change. You might as well have said nothing.

So, back to me (it’s MY blog darn it!)

I was introduced to this concept because there is one particular issue in my past that I couldn’t shake. It actually isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but for some reason, I could not get rid of my anger toward it. I hated that. I hate when things have control over me. I got to the point where I realized that I felt like a victim in the situation, and I was upset because I felt like I had been the “bigger person” and it got me nowhere. That everyone else is perfectly fine and unaffected yet I’m still pissed off. It was at that point that an outside party planted a seed.

That seed was, the reason I am still upset and can’t shake it (despite having received apologies, and for all intents and purposes, came out on top), was because I wasn’t really pissed off at everyone else. I was pissed off at myself. This is not to say that every problem you have in life is your fault, but how you choose to deal with it is under your control. In every situation where we feel like we have no choice, we DO. It may not be desirable, but we do.
How does this translate to me and my boundaries? Basically, I made choice B. I brought up the things I had issues with but I never made a consequence. I never cut anyone off. I never left. I never did anything. At times, I complained and argued, but mostly I “dealt” with it. I carried my head high, because I was “strong” enough to deal with the bull crap. But in reality, I’m pissed. I’m pissed that I didn’t have the balls to stand up for myself. I’m pissed that I was waiting for other people to care about me, when I clearly couldn’t do it for myself. And at the root of it all, was that I was afraid to just put my foot down and say, THIS IS WHAT I WANT OR YOU CAN BE OUT, because of the OUT part.

In hindsight, it sounds stupid. Why would I be afraid of losing someone that doesn’t care about my feelings? But, in the moment, it never seems that clear. Ever. But, it’s the reality. Sadly, that isn’t the only example of when I’ve done this. It’s my pattern.

And I wasn’t helping anyone by sulking in silence. Because what ends up happening is that you build resentment, or anger. It doesn’t go away. It waits… until you’re vulnerable again, either with those people or other people and it rears its ugly head. And then, you’re stuck. You’re blindsided. “But, I dealt with this already. This was years ago!” And this resentment, this past issue, this pain, stands in the way of you and the happiness that was just just just within your reach.

So, please. I beg of you guys. Stop putting yourself second. And stop being afraid of people leaving. You deserve more. We deserve more. Loneliness hurts, I know. But, so does consistently getting your feelings hurt, whether intentionally or not. Everyone who hurts you isn’t a bad person, but that doesn’t mean that they deserve to be in your life. And sometimes, people just have no friggin idea that we aren’t getting what we want, because we don’t say anything – people are not mind readers.

And to myself: Ty, stop making excuses for people. Well, once she isn’t having a bad day at work… once he graduates from school… once his mom moves out of the country… blah blah blah. If you’re not important now, you’ll never be, regardless of the excuse. Stop feeling bad for knowing what you want. If you’re honest and fair, the people who truly care will be there.

And lastly -- From this philosophy book I just finished reading, “Being In Love” by Osho:

“Only those people capable of being alone are capable of love.”

‘Aint that the truth?

Look for my Love, Simplified blog tomorrow.


Dr. Ty
Author of "The Get A Life Campaign"
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Courage

When times are tough, and it's difficult to find internal motivation, sometimes you have to allow yourself to be inspired by those around you.

I have been following some amazing women's blogs for some time, and one in particular, love.self.entirely, is giving me the courage to recognize the things that hurt... the places that we don't let ourselves visit because we're too busy, but quietly they are tearing us apart.

She is so open and honest about her journey -- the journey that many of us at this late 20s-early 30s cusp are experiencing -- that it makes me ashamed for keeping mine to myself.


The truth is -- Much like when I first wrote, "The Get A Life Campaign," 18 months ago, for the last few weeks, I have found myself at a similar point -- pondering, Who am I (really)? Am I truly happy? What makes me happy? How am I different now, from when I was 21? or 25, for that matter? Am I living my dream? And if not, what's stopping me?

I have felt so "off" the last few weeks. I can always tell when I get to that point, because I get winy. Everything irritates me, and I complain about everything (waiting in line, the cashier miscounting my change, slow waitressing, etc.). Every move I make feels like I'm dragging and feels forced. My feet are moving, just getting me from one responsibility or location to another but inside I'm numb/exhausted/daydreaming about better days.


How did I get here?
I'm not completely sure. I think some of it has to do with my recent 80-hr schedule, and having extremely small periods of "free time." Meaning, I had to choose between sleep/candlelit baths and processing everything that's been happening lately. Clearly I chose the former. It was my way of recharging for the next day, but not addressing the actual issue (bathwater can only do so much) just allowed things to build up until I imploded.

Plus, I fell back in the habit of trying to help everyone else -- caring how something makes everyone else feel, yet neglecting my thoughts/feelings. If I had to choose between hurting someone's feelings and protecting what I feel, I always picked the other person, because "I can handle a little hurt, but my conscience won't deal with hurting someone else." I gotta stop that.


So, now what?
I'm on vacation in Orlando. I'm trying to relax, but I'm still honking at slow drivers and being impatient with salespeople. In my defense, today was much better than yesterday. But, I hate being like this. I can't wait to be back to my normal self. It feels like a month-long PMS on overdrive. Maybe tomorrow will be even better.

After I finish this post (I have 00:13 minutes left of laptop battery and I purposely didn't bring my charger by the pool), I will be curling up with the rest of Harry Potter. HP always helps me escape reality and when I come out of my HP-induced meditation, I'm super-chilled out.

As much as I like reading nonfiction, that's why fiction has become my favorite (thanks Nakia and Tony for reminding me). Because it takes you out of every day life and gives your mind a break for ONCE. Grab a book this weekend and let me know what you think.


Other blogs I keep up with (using NewsFire - only for Mac):
Confessions of a Skinny Black Girl
love.self.entirely
Spin-ster Stories
Manic Mommy

Happy Blog reading!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Ran Out O' Gas

I ran out of gas a couple of days ago... on the highway, no less. Maybe it's the $4/gallon I pay for gas on my SUV in CT. Maybe it's how quickly I burn gas during my 30-minute-each-way-commute this month. Could be. Or perhaps, I got in my car for days and days looking at the gas light, telling myself that I would be late (or later) if I stopped. Or, the times I got in the car, I convinced myself that if I could just make it to my destination I'd certainly get gas on the way back. On that particular day, the truth is, I had forgotten how many miles I'd driven since the light first appeared. I had forgotten how many times I'd cranked the ignition to see the lever on empty. With 20 minutes left to get my son, and annoying traffic right where I-91 meets I-95, I had to go for it.

Well, what happens when a car runs out of gas? It stops. First, I couldn't accelerate anymore (on the highway). That was scary enough. Then, the uh-oh lights came on in the display panel and I heard the engine stop. I threw it in neutral and coasted to the right shoulder and down the nearest exit, trying to use my momentum from the downward hill to get me around the corner and out of danger. Eghhhh, not quite. But, a very nice Comcast repairman (he must have been smiling on the inside, because his face was so not into it) pushed me the few feet I needed to to not get slammed by cars exiting from the ramp. A gas station just a block away (but too far to push), I begged to borrow the gas can, brought the Vue a sip of gas, cranked it, and filled the rest of the tank at the pump.

With my fiasco, I was only 15 minutes late picking my son up from school (I'd frantically called as soon as the engine went down).

While this snafoo was clearly indicative of how spent, rushed and time-famished I've been lately... the reality is that it is truly symbolic of my life right now.

Tyeese is out of gas.

I have worked 18 of the last 21 days, at least 50-80 hours/week. I have been getting up, getting dressed, going to work, seeing patients, coming home, cooking or dining out (more of the latter lately), picking/dropping off the munchkin to/from the sitter, cleaning up the house, attempting to sleep, dealing with tons of sadness, trying to roll with the punches as everything around me is changing-changing-changing. And for at least the last month, my personal gas light has been coming on as soon as my eyes pop open in the morning, and I have ignored it: I don't have time, I gotta get the munchkin dressed, I need to read up on that patient, I need to sleep/call my friends/do something fun. So I drove and drove and drove and drove myself: I can make it, I know I can. I'll fill up on the way back.. oops, I forgot. I'll stop when this is over... and alas, the gas tank runneth dry, and I am burned out.

Vacation is near, but something's got to give.

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com