Cures for women's most embarrassing fiascos

WARNING: MEN, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS MUCH ABOUT THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE. SO, I SUGGEST YOU STEP AWAY FROM THIS POST – NOW! IF YOU DO NOT, I GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE SORRY.

Bubbleguts (after a night of drinking)
You’re not gonna like this one, but the best cure for post-drinking bubbleguts is letting loose a big number 2. Gross, I know. But I wouldn’t be your favorite GAL pal if I didn’t give it to you straight. The alternative is to pop an anti-gas medication (Gas-X or its generic, Simethicone) or a half-tab of Immodium to slow things down.

Stinky armpits/forgotten deodorant
The #1 solution is prevention. Keep a stick of deodorant in your car, your tote bag and your desk at all times. I’m a big fan of the travel-size variety since they’re more discreet. If all else fails, find a public restroom, put liquid soap and water on several paper towels and freshen up. Then, dab lotion or baby powder on them to buy you more odor-free time.

Stinking up the bathroom
If you do this in your own house, no one really cares. But, it never fails that you’re out in public, or worse, at your new crush’s house and nature calls. Well, don’t fret (well not yet, anyway). First, flush often, especially if you’re in there for more than five minutes. Next, look for anything in the bathroom you can spray that has a scent (cleaning supplies, a fragrance spray, cologne or – Hallelujah – good ole’ air freshener). Despite the fact that you smell the stink in the air, do not spray the product in the air. Spray directly into the scene of the crime – the toilet water. If you can open the window or turn the steamy shower on without appearing like a weirdo to your date, try that too.

Forgotten (or lost) underwear
First, pray they don’t get pinned on the bulletin board at work like Meredith Grey’s. Second, this is really not all that embarrassing. Underwear is overrated. Enjoy your day of nice, cool breezes down below. Keep at least one small tampon handy in case it becomes the wrong time of month while you’re feeling breezy.

Pantyhose runs
We all know the secret of the clear nail polish to stop the run. But, if the run gets completely out of hand, just take them off. Grease up your legs and go for it.

Hair extensions are showing/falling
Be creative, but the recipe involves mucho bobby pins, and anything that can double as a headband (knee highs do the trick in times of need). Try laying a piece of your hair over the exposed track and once the coast is clear, secure it with a bobby pin so it doesn’t blow away in the wind. But, truthfully, just pin-pin-pin, cover as much as you can, and get a pronto hair appointment.

Leaking breasts
The no-brainer is to use breast shields, but when you’ve just had a baby, times are hard and things get forgotten. The alternative is to use paper towels or even a sanitary napkin. Just remember to put the excess underneath the breast so it can catch what drips down. If you get desperate and your clothing has shoulder pads in it, consider cutting them off and putting them where you need them most.

Ripped clothes
I can never find a safety pin when I need one. Paper clips work well, or even better, those black plastic clips with the metal arms. I actually have a pair of pants that ripped at the crotch, and one of those black clippy things has held it together for over five years, even after many washer and dryer cycles.

Periods
No grand ideas here, just stuff tissue until you can find something. But, please, don’t put tissue inside of your you-know-what. Your friendly neighborhood OB-GYN (or, in my case, your friendly neighborhood ER doctor) does not want to go fishing for the tissue left behind weeks later. I thank you in advance.

What are YOUR secret cures? Share with your fellow GALs!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com