'Twas The Season For Breakups...

December usually evokes images of fat white men in beards, dancing reindeer, floppy iridescent bows, holiday office parties, and those infamous Grab Bags. February, on the other hand, takes whatever red garnish is leftover from Christmas and dons it with hearts of varying sizes, while cupid injects daydreams of falling in love into our Holiday-fattened rear ends.

However, judging from my epic long conversations with girlfriends, and them with their girlfriends and them with their girlfriends, an odd phenomenon is taking place that leads me to one conclusion… ‘twas actually the season of breaking up.

Maybe we failed to read the snugglebunny manual which explicitly states you should only run loose in the world during temperatures of more than 65 degrees Fahrenheit. By the time the colder months hit (read: less than 50 degrees), your position as someone’s snugglebunny should already be secured, as not to spend cold nights alone. Maybe that memo ended up in our Spam folders.

So, in true GAL fashion, I’m here to bring the first installment of the GAL guide to weathering breakups (yet still maintaining who you are):


Give yourself time to mourn

It’s too easy to fall on one end or the other of extremes: either shrivel up into a corner and become the Kleenex spokeswoman, or jam-pack your schedule such that you barely have time to think about you-know-who. Instead, try the middle ground. Dedicate a specific time for mourning or obsession (one week, every day after 4pm, or while driving home from work). Think as much as you want about him/her, write in your journal, drink wine, vent to your friends, or throw darts at your ex’s mugshot, whatever makes you happy. Then, go on with life. Don’t daydream about it all day, misting up in meetings, taking personal calls at work, blowing up at the mailman. At the end of it all, you want a life that you are proud of. Don’t screw up what you have left of your life pining over someone who’s gone.


Remember who you were

This topic never goes away in GAL-land. Anyone who has dated someone for more than three weeks knows how the process of falling in love, the time it demands and simply how good it feels manages to take us away from reality. Sometimes, we find our way back and sometimes, everything we do is colored by our relationships. If our cutiepie compliments us or we have a weekend rendezvous, then the annoying chick at work doesn’t seem so annoying. Yet, let our cutiepie stand us up or pick a fight, then the whole world comes to an end. As much as we embark on relationships in order to share our lives with someone else – to have a definite date to any function, a consistent sex partner, someone to confide in – at the root of it all, you were and are your own person. It may just take time to find her again.


Fake it ‘til you feel it.

I would be a complete liar if I sat here and typed to you that if the love of your life – or even the jerkface of your life – walked out of the door tomorrow that you’d be unscathed and ready to pick up and keep rolling like the rock-hard stone you are. It will hurt. It will burn. That empty, lonely pit in your stomach will be there. You will be reminded of it every time someone asks how your ex is or what your plans are for xyz holiday, or every Friday when you drive by you guys’ favorite spot. But, in order to make it, sometimes you have to fake it. Make an effort to find joy in the things that are left. If someone at work makes a joke, don’t be a sourpuss, laugh. Stop hitting ignore when your friends or family call. Accept an invitation for drinks from your co-workers and pretend like you’re having a blast. There is a time and a place for everything. And if you make every other part of your life miserable and pitiful with your sulking, you will have no refuge. And truthfully, after a while, the chemicals released during your laughter and smiling may actually be enough to start helping you over the hump.


Be sparing with family and friends

You have your own feelings to deal with. Do you really want to deal with your sobbing aunt who loved your sweetheart to death? Or your mom who is devastated that you ruined her chances to be a grandma? Deal with how you feel about the issue first, even if that means avoiding (or down right bending) the truth. Here’s my philosophy: You will not want to think about the breakup every single day of your life, and there will come a day that you feel fabulous (I know you don’t believe me right now). And if everyone knows what’s going on, someone will undoubtedly hit you with the infamous poor-baby question, “How are you holding up, girl?” on a day when you feel wonderful, and instantly, your good day is gone, your thoughts are getting the better of you, and you’re trapped in the misery again.

That's enough for now.

Next time, we’ll talk about how not to be a stalker (or look like one); the dilemma when kids are involved; moving on to the next relationship (too soon or not enough time?); and more coping skills.

I'd love to hear what you think!

Dr. Ty
Visit www.getalifecampaign.com for more tips and a copy of "The Get A Life Campaign!"