Fish Pedicures?

Hmmm... I am usually intrigued by the beauty fad du jour, but this just grossed me out. The idea of tiny fish eating my dead cuticles away... there is nothing dainty, relaxing or blissful about that.

And like the article says, how do you sanitize between clients? Do I bring a fishbowl each time with my very own flesh-eating fish?

What's going on with the pedicure industry? First, it's illegal to use the scraper blades, now they can't even touch our feet?

I've been staring at this photograph for a good 20 minutes and as disgusted as I am, I can't look away. I wonder if you can feel the teeth...

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com
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Quickies

The gym and I have only seen each other twice so far this year - once in Cancun and once during the week I returned. My schedule is mostly to blame, but my usual winter funk didn't help matters. But, in an effort to not lose momentum (and gain the weight back), I have started doing quickies at home.

While yes, there are many types of quickies that can raise the heart rate and burn calories, my workout quickies have effectively kept the pounds at bay until I can get back onto my routine.

Here's my latest 15-minute quickie:

* 50 crunches
* 20 oblique crunches (side to side)
* 5 boy pushups, 20 girl pushups
* Stairs (up and down 12 stairs) x 10 times, lifting the knees while jogging down also

I know it seems wimpy to not break a dripping sweat, to not spend 90 minutes sitting on various gym equipment, or to not limp after a workout. But, even something as simple as 15 minutes CAN make a difference. Don't fall into the all or nothing mantra ("If I can't spend a whole hour, I might as well stay home"). Do something, anything! You'll feel better for it.

The quickies are also good for those of us who don't want to go to the gym completely out of shape. Give yourself a head start at home before you commit to your gym schedule, or join a running group.

Other daily things (you've heard me say these before):
* Take the stairs rather than the elevator
* Jog from the parking garage to your building (or between buildings)

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com
Follow me on Twitter: @doctorty
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What I've had my nose in lately

Set a goal or else time escapes you.

In order to keep myself accountable to my reading goals for the year, I'm sharing them with you guys.

Prior to fall 2006 (when GAL was born), I only read nonfiction (political, psychological philosophical-type books) and textbooks until my GAL pal Nakia disapprovingly eyed my bookshelf, declared that I was boring (gasp), and prescribed more fiction for my ailment.

I started with The Heiress of Water and I've been hooked ever since. I used to read a ton of fiction as a kid, but somewhere I think I became too "serious" for that. Truly, letting yourself get taken away to some far away world is so relaxing.

So -- Stop making excuses! Even if you read ONE page, it's one page closer to finishing, and one additional page of fun.

2008 TALLY

READ SO FAR:
The Alchemist
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
Being In Love by Osho


To be read before September 30:
Jesus Land: A Memoir
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire


To read by the end of the year:

The Memory Keeper's Daughter
On Writing by Stephen King
Just Too Good to Be True by E. Lynn Harris (comes out July 15th... pre-ordered a copy months ago)


Now that's I've posted this here, you all have to hold me to it. Feel free to share your reading tally for '08. For my GALs who spend a lot of time in the car...

How do you feel about fiction on audio CD?

I also noticed that when I consciously turn off my laptop, it's so much easier for me to read for leisure. Being on the computer zaps so much of my time! Try it tonight. Decide that you'll cut it off 2 hours earlier than usual. Let me know what happens.

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
Haven't read "The Get A Life Campaign?" get your copy!

The Art of Color

It's a proven fact that bright or soothing colors in a room can brighten your mood -- well, today, my proposition is that COLORING brightens your mood.

Even if you are childless, get out your watercolors or crayons and get to work! After a while, it becomes mindless, and relaxing. I think it's akin to meditating in some ways. All of your other senses are turned off and it's just you and the decision between aquamarine and turquoise.

One of my closest girlfriends and I used to buy coloring books in college when we were stressed out. It seemed goofy at the time, but maybe we were on to something.

For Father's Day, the lil' man and I made a watercolor Picasso as a present, and I really did feel calmer... I'll be looking out for your Picassos soon!



Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Carrie Fever - the plague of the friendless?

It's funny.

First, I posted my billboard advertisement for women friends like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda in my February post: Has Sex And The City Misled Us?

Then, I chronicled our freedom-filled, fun-filled SATC themed weekend in Chicago (not even a week ago -- where did the time go??), complete with pics of the crowds of women dressed to the 'nines and in groups of no less than 4 (of course) lined up to see our favorite GALs on the big screen.

Now, Irene S. Levine writes to her graduating readers to hold on to their friends: "the gift that keeps on giving," and uses us poor souls (SATC movie flockers) as an example of how women don't have enough good friends (Thanks a lot, Irene!). But, despite my bruised ego, her tips do include solid advice:

Make yourself a promise to keep up with your school chums---especially the ones with whom you have been able to share both happiness and heartbreaks. As you age and life becomes more complex and demanding, you'll realize that you have given yourself the most wonderful treasure. A few of the basics:

1) Always make friendship a priority (right up there after family). If you need a rationale to convince you, here it is: Research shows that social support and close friendships are linked to improved health and emotional well-being.

2) Get rid of toxic friendships that are consistently negative and emotionally draining. We all have one or two gal pals that are annoying to be with, people we feel ambivalent about and who probably feel ambivalent about us. Just let go of them.

3) Find any excuse to create rituals to stay in touch with the good friends. It shouldn't be a one-time affair. Make a plan to get together every month or at least several times a year. It can be on milestone birthdays or periodic girlfriend getaway jaunts. Or even the opening of a long-awaited chick flick!

4) In-between, use every way possible to stay connected via cell phones, Blackberries, and old-fashioned letters until the next time your see each other.

Female graduates: Congratulations---Go forth with your friends!

We actually had a similar discussion during our trip -- which friends are more valuable to us: the ones we've known forever and who remember our unrefined selves (braces, horrible fashion sense, deadbeat boyfriends), or the new friends whose lives may be more similar to our current ones?

The vote was mixed, but we agreed, there is merit in both types of friendships. You can certainly outgrow old friends, and you never want to be stagnant, but it's nice to remember the old times. Sometimes, it's just what I need when I feel life is getting too complicated -- go home, and trade silly, boy crazy stories with my high school friends, and feel more grounded.

However, if you're the first of your friends to get married or have a kid or advance your career, it can be lonely. And that's where the new friends come in (or, if your childhood friend develops a nasty habit or a taste for backstabbing -- enter the replacements).

If you're one of the lucky ones who has an old friend who still loves you despite your younger self, and has a life similar to the older you (career, relationship, family, interests), keep that friendship in a choke hold! -- and count your blessings.

My Rutbreakers style find: Like.com, where you can find outfits based on style and color across a bunch of different stores. Check it out!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

How "Sex & The City" and a fun girls' trip makes all the difference

Sometimes, we need a moment to pause the hustle and bustle of life and just be women: feel sexy, feel confident, be gorgeous, laugh a lot, and enjoy the company of other like-minded women. The deal this weekend was to temporarily shed the daily labels - wife, mom, daughter, employee, doctor, teacher, accountant, event planner - and HAVE FUN.

Mission accomplished.

My GAL pals and I planned a group trip to Chicago to see the new movie - Sex And The City. We started our treks Friday morning from Newark, Hartford, Philly and Washington Dulles airports and by 6pm had all landed into Chicago (despite the thunderstorms trying to keep us away).

FRIDAY

- Dinner at Exposure Tapas restaurant
- Night out at Funky Buddha Lounge with ?uestlove of the Roots spinning

SATURDAY

- Home-cooked breakfast by the person who woke up first
- Walking in comfy shoes around Buckingham Fountain, and Grant & Millennium Parks
- Window shopping (okay maybe a lil' more than window) along Magnificent Mile
- Resting our feet while overlooking the city in the Hancock Observatory (including our silly, ANTM-inspired window washing shoot).


- Girls' lunch at TGI Fridays
- Home for a quick-change
- Appetizers at Lucky Strike

- MOVIE watching at AMC River East 21 (great theater). Thank goodness we pre-purchased!

- Drinks at Delacosta
- Dancing at BonV

SUNDAY

- Packing packing packing...

- Brunch cruise on Mystic Blue (complete with karaoke, the Electric Slide, and Mimosas!)




- A final toast... to bring our newfound serenity, relaxation, perspective, sense of fun, and SEXY-ness back to our real lives.

- Jetsettin' back home (thanks United, although you need more LEGROOM, take a tip from Jet Blue, won't ya?)

ONE LAST SHOT!

GALs... This trip was JUST what I needed to get me over the last piece of the rut. Are any of you ladies planning a gals' trip this summer? Do tell!


Stay tuned for the GAL tips I've been using since Memorial Day to kick off the summer the right way! We'll also have a new addition to the GAL blog soon. More info later.

Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Relationships, simplified...

You know how someone mentions something to you, something you’ve never heard of before? Then every day for the next two weeks, all of a sudden that “thing” is everywhere – on television, talk shows, work conversations, and you think to yourself, am I noticing it because I just heard of it, or is everyone else just catching on too?

Well that’s how I feel about the term “boundaries.” It was introduced to me two weeks ago, and since then I’ve heard about them, I’ve seen them in blogs, on websites, and even used them in the advice I’ve delivered to friends. Strange.

There are set boundaries that we all have – for example, random people don’t just come and invade your boundary of personal space and move into your house at will; or snatch your food while you’re having your lunch; or spit in your face because they had a bad day. But, I hadn’t really thought about boundaries as it related to my recent frustrations and my relationship struggles – with significant others, family and friends.

Well, long story short (yea right -- ya’ll know I can’t keep anything short), here’s what I learned.

If you don’t make boundaries to protect yourself, express those boundaries (along with the consequences), and actually execute said consequences when needed, you will never be treated the way you deserve.
This is how it goes: You want things to go a certain way. You want Mr. Wonderful to start spending more time with you/shower you with more attention/stop calling his ex/wine and dine you more/stop showing up late/start calling you before you call him… and the list could go on. So, you either A) Say nothing and wait for him to just KNOW what you need, meanwhile it’s bothering you. B) Say something about it and wait, meanwhile nothing changes.

Read: Saying something without setting a consequence makes B the same as A. You might think you’re communicating, but you’re not.

So, this is how it’s supposed to go according to the boundary experts: You want Mr. Wonderful to stop showing up late or standing you up. You’re supposed to name the actions that are troubling you, say how it makes you feel, ask him to stop (or some other compromise), and then say what will happen if he doesn’t.

Basically: When you show up late on nights that I’ve cooked dinner for you, or you bail on our plans, it makes me feel like you don’t value our time together. And that makes me sad, because I enjoy spending time with you. If you can’t make it, I want you to call me ahead of time and let me know, or work harder to get there on time. If you don’t, then I will stop putting you #1 on my priority list (read: other plans will come before yours) or I won’t allow you to come in the door after a certain time.

DON’T say things like, When you take me for granted… when you’re inconsiderate…
Why? Because you’re making a judgment on the person’s actions and they can just say, “No, I didn’t. That’s not what I meant.” But if you specifically name the actions only, and then say how it makes you feel, it’s a little different.

DON’T make threats. Don’t be manipulative and threaten to leave every time your mate steps out of line. Don’t make the consequence out of sync with the problem. For example, if Mr. Wonderful doesn’t wash dishes for a month straight, then your consequence is that you’re not washing them anymore and he can eat out. Clearly, the consequence is not “I’m divorcing you!” Be reasonable, but firm.


Oh – and you have to really do the consequence. For those who have kids/nieces/nephews/cousins, imagine if you say to a 2-year-old: “If you don’t stop jumping on the bed, I’m going to take your stuffed animal away.” Kid keeps jumping. You never take the stuffed animal away. The next time you say, “If you don’t eat all your veggies, I’m going to put you to bed early,” said kid is probably not going to believe you, respect you or stop doing the undesired activity. So, let this be a lesson to you. If you make threats but never go through with it, things will not change. You might as well have said nothing.

So, back to me (it’s MY blog darn it!)

I was introduced to this concept because there is one particular issue in my past that I couldn’t shake. It actually isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but for some reason, I could not get rid of my anger toward it. I hated that. I hate when things have control over me. I got to the point where I realized that I felt like a victim in the situation, and I was upset because I felt like I had been the “bigger person” and it got me nowhere. That everyone else is perfectly fine and unaffected yet I’m still pissed off. It was at that point that an outside party planted a seed.

That seed was, the reason I am still upset and can’t shake it (despite having received apologies, and for all intents and purposes, came out on top), was because I wasn’t really pissed off at everyone else. I was pissed off at myself. This is not to say that every problem you have in life is your fault, but how you choose to deal with it is under your control. In every situation where we feel like we have no choice, we DO. It may not be desirable, but we do.
How does this translate to me and my boundaries? Basically, I made choice B. I brought up the things I had issues with but I never made a consequence. I never cut anyone off. I never left. I never did anything. At times, I complained and argued, but mostly I “dealt” with it. I carried my head high, because I was “strong” enough to deal with the bull crap. But in reality, I’m pissed. I’m pissed that I didn’t have the balls to stand up for myself. I’m pissed that I was waiting for other people to care about me, when I clearly couldn’t do it for myself. And at the root of it all, was that I was afraid to just put my foot down and say, THIS IS WHAT I WANT OR YOU CAN BE OUT, because of the OUT part.

In hindsight, it sounds stupid. Why would I be afraid of losing someone that doesn’t care about my feelings? But, in the moment, it never seems that clear. Ever. But, it’s the reality. Sadly, that isn’t the only example of when I’ve done this. It’s my pattern.

And I wasn’t helping anyone by sulking in silence. Because what ends up happening is that you build resentment, or anger. It doesn’t go away. It waits… until you’re vulnerable again, either with those people or other people and it rears its ugly head. And then, you’re stuck. You’re blindsided. “But, I dealt with this already. This was years ago!” And this resentment, this past issue, this pain, stands in the way of you and the happiness that was just just just within your reach.

So, please. I beg of you guys. Stop putting yourself second. And stop being afraid of people leaving. You deserve more. We deserve more. Loneliness hurts, I know. But, so does consistently getting your feelings hurt, whether intentionally or not. Everyone who hurts you isn’t a bad person, but that doesn’t mean that they deserve to be in your life. And sometimes, people just have no friggin idea that we aren’t getting what we want, because we don’t say anything – people are not mind readers.

And to myself: Ty, stop making excuses for people. Well, once she isn’t having a bad day at work… once he graduates from school… once his mom moves out of the country… blah blah blah. If you’re not important now, you’ll never be, regardless of the excuse. Stop feeling bad for knowing what you want. If you’re honest and fair, the people who truly care will be there.

And lastly -- From this philosophy book I just finished reading, “Being In Love” by Osho:

“Only those people capable of being alone are capable of love.”

‘Aint that the truth?

Look for my Love, Simplified blog tomorrow.


Dr. Ty
Author of "The Get A Life Campaign"
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Guilt from your significant other...

So, one of the topics we discussed at last night's GAL workshop was how relationships can sometimes get in our way of having a life. More specifically, how many busy women feel guilty and weighed down by their companions for being the busy women that they have always been (even when they met him!).

I know what you're thinking -- isn't the whole point of GAL to slow down all the busy-ness and focus on the relaxing parts of life, like hanging out with your significant other? Absolutely. But, it's hard to get there when your companion is making you feel bad for all the things you do and have always done. And the truth is, if you weren't the women that you are, he wouldn't have fallen for you in the first place.

At any rate, I wanted to share a few thoughts I had after the discussion was over... things that we can all try to do to make sure we're maintaining true balance across all fronts of our lives.

• If Mr. Companion/Hubby/Significant Other is complaining or acting weird about you running around all the time, figure out what the real reason is. Is it simply that you don't spend enough time with him? Is he unhappy with the fact that HE doesn't have a hobby? Does he hate work? Did he come home and wanna vent and you weren't there? Or, are you just not what he expected in a wife? I would hate to see you GALs start working from home or rearranging schedules only to find out that his problem was not really time.
  

• Make a dedicated time to spend with him. If you can schedule your mani-pedis, then you can give your man a dedicated period of time weekly or semiweekly. And stick to it. Even if you just watch TV all day, let that time be uninterrupted with him.

• Multi-task a bit. Invite him to run around with you some days in exchange for you cutting back on your schedule.

• Lastly, stop feeling guilty. If you want to change, then change. But feeling guilty will only breed resentment and you'll be even less willing to compromise with him or hear him out.

Good luck GALs. We live in an odd society that expects us to be all things to all people. Redefine your own roles... and stay tuned for my next post about the new millennium marriage!

Visit www.getalifecampaign.com for more tips and a copy of "The Get A Life Campaign!"