Carrie Fever - the plague of the friendless?

It's funny.

First, I posted my billboard advertisement for women friends like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda in my February post: Has Sex And The City Misled Us?

Then, I chronicled our freedom-filled, fun-filled SATC themed weekend in Chicago (not even a week ago -- where did the time go??), complete with pics of the crowds of women dressed to the 'nines and in groups of no less than 4 (of course) lined up to see our favorite GALs on the big screen.

Now, Irene S. Levine writes to her graduating readers to hold on to their friends: "the gift that keeps on giving," and uses us poor souls (SATC movie flockers) as an example of how women don't have enough good friends (Thanks a lot, Irene!). But, despite my bruised ego, her tips do include solid advice:

Make yourself a promise to keep up with your school chums---especially the ones with whom you have been able to share both happiness and heartbreaks. As you age and life becomes more complex and demanding, you'll realize that you have given yourself the most wonderful treasure. A few of the basics:

1) Always make friendship a priority (right up there after family). If you need a rationale to convince you, here it is: Research shows that social support and close friendships are linked to improved health and emotional well-being.

2) Get rid of toxic friendships that are consistently negative and emotionally draining. We all have one or two gal pals that are annoying to be with, people we feel ambivalent about and who probably feel ambivalent about us. Just let go of them.

3) Find any excuse to create rituals to stay in touch with the good friends. It shouldn't be a one-time affair. Make a plan to get together every month or at least several times a year. It can be on milestone birthdays or periodic girlfriend getaway jaunts. Or even the opening of a long-awaited chick flick!

4) In-between, use every way possible to stay connected via cell phones, Blackberries, and old-fashioned letters until the next time your see each other.

Female graduates: Congratulations---Go forth with your friends!

We actually had a similar discussion during our trip -- which friends are more valuable to us: the ones we've known forever and who remember our unrefined selves (braces, horrible fashion sense, deadbeat boyfriends), or the new friends whose lives may be more similar to our current ones?

The vote was mixed, but we agreed, there is merit in both types of friendships. You can certainly outgrow old friends, and you never want to be stagnant, but it's nice to remember the old times. Sometimes, it's just what I need when I feel life is getting too complicated -- go home, and trade silly, boy crazy stories with my high school friends, and feel more grounded.

However, if you're the first of your friends to get married or have a kid or advance your career, it can be lonely. And that's where the new friends come in (or, if your childhood friend develops a nasty habit or a taste for backstabbing -- enter the replacements).

If you're one of the lucky ones who has an old friend who still loves you despite your younger self, and has a life similar to the older you (career, relationship, family, interests), keep that friendship in a choke hold! -- and count your blessings.

My Rutbreakers style find: Like.com, where you can find outfits based on style and color across a bunch of different stores. Check it out!


Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Have you challenged yourself lately?

Challenges.

Show me a busy woman, and I'll show you a person who successfully meets challenges day in and day out. But, there are also days when those same women are worn and torn down by those challenges. Sometimes we can safety-pin the edges together, sometimes the rips are painfully apparent, and many times we're stronger for them. Either way -- after a while, even the toughest woman wants a break.

An appropriate break would be ten days on a remote island. But, sometimes, we take a break in our daily lives. It's called burnout. We start to shy away from anything that smells or tastes like more challenges in an effort to quiet our lives for a second (even if those challenges could bring something positive). Whether it's not pushing forward for that promotion, avoiding a dream career that has many naysayers, or confronting a situation that requires us to do so, we avoid it.

I have hit that point many times. In the last few months, I've seen it way more than I care to. But, I am starting to learn that while those breaks can be good, we have to be careful not to fall even farther into a rut. How can we do that? By challenging ourselves first.

NEWS: I am proud of myself today.

The last few months, I have been fighting terribly against the rut, trying to find happiness despite the fatigue, stress and emotional weight. Every stride I've made lately has gotten me one step closer, but not quite over the hump of funk.

So, on the plane to Orlando, I decided that if life was going to keep giving me challenges that stressed me out, I could give myself challenges that make me proud of myself. Not the grandiose what-will-I-be-when-I-grow-up challenges... small challenges. With short deadlines. And reasonable expectations.

Challenge 1: To blog seven consecutive days without fail.

I'm a writer. We write. That's what we do. But, every good writer knows that as much as we love to write, sometimes it's hard to do. Especially if your creativity is stifled by stress. I got tired of writing BLOG on the top of my to-do lists every week and hardly getting to it. So I committed, and from May 6 to May 15 (Ran Out O' Gas to Baby Planners), I blogged. And blogged. And blogged. I actually exceeded my expectations and blogged a total of 10 days straight.

The cool thing was... during my blog challenge, no matter how frustrating work or the personal life was, I felt like I had something to look forward to. Something that was mine. It was small and maybe minuscule in some folks' eyes. But, it was something that I could still pat myself on the back for. It's amazing how those pats can add up.

Challenge 2: To swim in the deep end of the pool.

As much as I love water, I can only swim well when I know I can touch the bottom of the pool (or ocean). Even if I never touch it for hours, I need to know it's there. Well, one of my 2008 resolutions is to learn how to sail, and to sail, you have to -- guess what? -- swim in deep water!

I refuse to let a fear, rather than a real lack of skill, keep me from something I might love, so into the 9-foot water I went last week. I dunked myself deep into the water and did nothing. To my surprise, I floated back to the top -- after doing nothing! So, I did it again and swam a little -- success again. I did it once more and swam from the 9 feet back to the shallow side. Clearly, I made it out alive. I can't say that my fear is completely gone, but at least I know if I freak out, I'll at least float to the top.

And now I can get on a yacht this summer.

Challenge 3: To meet new people with shared interests.

I know I talk to new people all day long. But, it's not the same. I still get nervous meeting new folks and by default get stuck in the circles I already have. Well, I went to a medical conference today where I knew no one. And it went surprisingly well. I met two docs who are practicing one of my fields of interest -- including one whom I had heard of, and planned to google his email address this week. Freaky how that worked out.

It sucked using my one day off to do more medical stuff, but it was worth it. I got to dress up in real clothes (a suit rather than scrubs) and put makeup on. I got to pick the brains of more seasoned physicians. I took Amtrak so I could read rather than drive for an hour each way, and made a dent in my Harry Potter (book 3, hush). And -- the most important -- met my 3rd challenge head on (despite threatening to back out the night before).

Now it's your turn!

What are your recent (public or secret) challenges? You don't have to tell your friends, but do tell your GAL pals! We wanna know. And if you don't have one. Make one. Um... like now. We're waiting...



Dr. Ty
From the GAL Blog
www.getalifecampaign.com

Looking for a change? Find the city of your dreams...

Looking to move to a new city?
Here are two cool sites to help you decide where your next move should be:
http://www.findyourspot.com/
http://www.bestplaces.net/fybp/


Speaking of change... I get a lot of questions from folks aspiring to become writers on publishing and book promotion. So here are a few links with good resources:
http://thewriterslife.blogspot.com/
http://www.pumpupyourbookpromotion.com/virtualbooktours.html
http://bookpr.com/index2.htm